she was so not down for the gang bang
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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