This is not my ceiling
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
