You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
