i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
