i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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