If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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