I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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