I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
