Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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