I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
