you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
