I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
