please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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