i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
