my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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