He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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