at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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