Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize