peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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