Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
