Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
