Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
