i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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