WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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