I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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