i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
