I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
