My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
