Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
