Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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