I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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