I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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