Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
