4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
