Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
