I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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