i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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