i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
