I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize