today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
