areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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