I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
