you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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