they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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