I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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