So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
