Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
