Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
