We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
pop tarts are not kleenex
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
