So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
