She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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