I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's Friday. Sex?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I want her autograph on my taint
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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