You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
