while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i've created a new STD.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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