he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
