Sober January is a disaster.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
