I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
